So upon looking at my recent blog posts, I am shocked to see that its been over a week since my last post! Gah! Why?!?! And after reflecting on what I was doing that was so important as to neglect my bloggin duties – I realized that I might have a serious problem! I honestly didn’t do anything EXTREMELY crazy or time consuming…except that this week has been nirvana in terms of television programming. I was so consumed with all the season/series finales happening this week that I literally couldn’t be bothered to do anything remotely productive! Perhaps television is running my life. But then again, I mean, COME ON! Lets take a look back on what a whirlwind week this has been!
Sunday: After 6 mystifying and confusing years ‘Lost’ promised to answer all questions! Did it deliver? Well, while I appreciated the fact that the final scenes came full circle and recreated moments from the pilot – I still have a ton of questions. Like what happened to the plane with Kate, Claire and that eyeliner dude who doesn’t age (but now all of a sudden does). And if everyone was really dead while they were on the island, why could the Dharma Initiative interact with them and leave of free will?? How did Jacob’s brother (name?) turn into the smoke monster posthumously? Why did it make mechanical sounds? THERE ARE SO MANY QUESTIONS LEFT TO BE ANSWERED!!!
And then on top of that was the ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ season finale, with Bret Michaels. And as much as I am morally opposed to the theory and practice behind ‘Rock of Love’, his story did tend to pull on my heart-strings a lotta bit. Everyone loves an underdog (and a sickly underdog at that) and I’m no exception. Super glad he won and beat out Holly!
Monday: Monday was Part I of the ‘Dancing with the Stars’ Finale and as much as I fight the urge to get as invested as I have in years past, I inevitably fall into the Paso-Doble-Death-Trap. Despite evidence to the contrary, I am not a middle-aged soccer mom sandwiched in the heartland, but I still get completely wrapped up in all the drama, sequins and skin that DWTS offers! At the beginning of the season I was hardcore rooting for Evan Lysacek, but after 14 weeks I realized what a boring bitch he is! So stiff and dry. I’m gonna start an internet campaign next year to get Johnny Weir Lindy-Hopping his luxurious locks and even fiercer fashion sense up on that dance floor and restore figure skating’s good name! So by Monday night my favors had waved from Evan to Erin Andrews. I know most people had drunk the Nicole/Pussy Cat Koolade, but I abstained. DON’T GET ME WRONG! I fully agree that she is in fact the best dancer they have ever had in 10 seasons – but she had a MAYJAH advantage! Where Erin Andrews and Chad Ochocinco are celebrities in their own right, they aren’t celebrities because of their dancing feats! Thats ALL Nicole has been doing for the past however-many years. So for those reasons I was really rooting for Erin. Plus I love to see the dreaded free-style round!
Tuesday: OH. MY. GOD. What a night for TV! Again, the first of a two-part season finale on ‘American Idol’. After hearing Crystal Bowersox sing, I was certain that she had it in the bag. She seemed so much more present and committed than Lee. But then again, dreads on a white person tends to scare off middle America.
‘Dancing with the Stars’ Finale Part II (the results show) – see above. That beezie Nicole did end up winning. Boo.
‘Glee’ – it was the Lady Gaga episode (enough said)
‘Parenthood’ season finale. I love this show for two reasons. Its set in Berkeley (LOVE!!) and there is a sporadic guest spot featuring my secret Hollywood boyfriend Jason Ritter (yum!) who stars as High School English Teacher (YUM²!)
“Biggest Loser’ Finale – I am totally in love with this show! Its my only reason for going to the gym…EVER! I figure if they can do it, so can I! And I’m soooo GLAD that Michael won and not Kolbi! Ew. McLovin this show!
Wednesday: ‘American Idol’ Season finale part II (results show) – see above. An amazing show filled with TONS of superstar performances, and in the end I’m SHOCKED that Lee won and not Bowersox. But whatever!
Thursday: This used to be my night for ‘The Office’, ‘Community’, ’30 Rock’ and ‘Vampire Diaries’ – but now that they all ended last week, Thursday was the saddest day this week.
Friday: (today) I went to go see ‘Sex and the City 2’ and was supremely disappointed! The fashion and overall scenery was amazing to look at and was complete eye candy, but the story line itself was…TOTAL cheesecake bullshit! Really pretty terrible and it felt super Mickey-Mouse. Like, they just wanted to make another movie so they didn’t care all that much about the overall script, just more that there was another movie made. Boo!
So now that I have clearly laid out and practically made an in-depth blue-print to where you can find my ass most nights of the week I am starting to recognize a pattern. My life may or may not be completely ruled by the TV guide line-up. This blog post is more of an independent intervention of sorts. As much as I hate series finales and summer programming pretty much sucks (except for ‘True Blood’ – pun intended?) maybe its a good thing that NBC has cut off my main supply of crack (aka ‘The Office’) and maybe now I can do that thing that bougie white people love to do ( I think it’s called “getting fresh air”. Am I pronouncing that correctly??) WOO HOO! Addiction officially over!!!! …Until the Fall…or Mad Men starts up again in July…DAMN IT! Is there a Betty Ford-type clinic for TV programming addicts? Is it called the BETTY WHITE CLINIC!?!?!?! Ok. I need to stop now. I’m starting to get embarrassed for myself.