South America

My dream for ringing in 2013 was to go someplace warm and tropical in the face of our foggy San Franciscan winter and countdown to a new year bathed in heat. For months the dream of a tropical getaway during a global celebration was so enticing that by December it had become almost all-consuming. It’s almost impossible to believe that our trip truly happened but here it is nearly 4 weeks since we got back. To say it was a whirlwind adventure is a true understatement in every sense of the world. My friend Rachael and I ventured to South America with the goal of beaches, caipirinhas, and Rio de Janeiro in mind. After leaving early on Christmas morning we had nearly 6 days to travel around and explore the NYT’s #1 place to visit in 2013 (both of us saw this article for the first time the day after we got back home – HA!). It really is a very strange experience to flip-flop between two extreme weather conditions. Going between the dead of winter to the heart of summer makes packing feel unnatural. Packing a suitcase full of summer dresses and bathing suits while you’re currently wearing 3 layers of sweaters is…odd.

Some of the highlights from our time in Rio (Christ the Redeemer, swimming in Ilha Grande and New Years on Copacabana)

Some of the highlights from our time in Rio (Christ the Redeemer, swimming in Ilha Grande and New Years on Copacabana)

Of course the Brazilian landscape is…intoxicating. I’ve never seen such lush greenery and mountains that look so otherworldly. The way that the hills roll and peak feel like they were plucked right out of a fairy tale. I will say honestly though that Rio was not quite the tourist destination that we had initially anticipated and I think that this is only fair to point this out to any other travelers thinking of spending a tropical retreat in Brazil. I will say (and admit that it was quite foolish) that we had read about the crime and dangers of Rio but felt that it was a big tourist destination and thought that we’d be travelling to the version of Rio consisting of beaches, samba, girls from Ipanema, clubs of Copacabana, and of course, Christ the Redeemer protecting over all. Weeeeell… the city is very dense and very populated and of course this means that there is a lot of crime so take that into consideration, and when you are in Rio during one of their biggest holiday’s, you should expect that there will be some shifty characters about. And the city is so large that there really isn’t one particular nucleus for tourist areas, the places you want to see and experience are all over the city and very much spread out. So take this also into consideration when dodging the “children of the night”. Cabs are essential – this is not a city to walk around in at night. But there are still beautiful points. The city architecture is an eclectic mix of South American and European influences that harken back to the countries Portuguese heritage. Often times you can walk along European style monuments in a Parisian-type square right next to the beach line. Incredible.

Buenos Aires: Recoleta Cemetery, Tango Show, Cafe Tortoni, Pretty Rachael

Buenos Aires: Recoleta Cemetery, Tango Show, Cafe Tortoni, Pretty Rachael

After ringing in the New Year amidst a 16 minute long firework show directly on the beach surrounded by other carioca’s decked out in white (symbolizing good luck for the coming year) Rachael and I headed to Buenos Aires for 4 days. Arriving in Argentina was like a breath of fresh air. I truly wish that we had planned more time in this amazing city. True to the rumors, it really does have a very European feel and layout. In BA not only did we see a fantastic live Tango show, but we bought custom leather jackets, consumed mountains of Argentine beef and Malbec, saw firsthand the city’s ongoing admiration for Eva Peron and walked amidst the crypts of the countries elite. The Argentinian people were by far the friendliest people and most welcoming that we had met and I strongly suggest to anyone who goes to South America not to miss this wonderful country.

Imperial Palace at Petropolis, Sunbathing on the beaches and ports of Buzios

Imperial Palace at Petropolis, Sunbathing on the beaches and ports of Buzios

After 4 days in Buenos Aires, Rachael and I went back to Brazil to visit some of the smaller towns. We stopped by the Imperial city of Petropolis and saw the Summer home of the Royal Family and then afterward went to Buzios, the beach town retreat of Brigitte Bardot in the 1960’s. Buzios is an incredible getaway about 3 hours away from Rio by Bus and a MUST-SEE! Buzios was truly the tropical retreat we had been waiting for and full of other Brazilian’s escaping the bustling city as well. Overall in the 2 and a ½ weeks that we were in South America we got sunburned many times, drank a lifetimes worth of caipirinhas, saw incredible sites and met some wonderful people. My favorite moment of the entire trip was our day in Ilha Grande. Rachael and I took a bus about 3.5 hours south to a beautiful island dotted line of the Brazilian coast and took an all-day boat tour. We drank cheap beer, swam in the ocean and in between listened to Samba music played by a little 4-piece band on the boat.  Check out the video below to see for yourself! Sitting next to us was a group of VERY fun, VERY flamboyant gay boys and the biggest impression I will take away from my time in Brazil is just how true the spirit of the Carioca is. Play any music remotely near them and everyone knows the words, sings along loudly, and dances until their heart’s content! Because any opportunity to stop and enjoy the pleasures of life needs to be taken with both hands. Brasil.


I’m In The Mood For Gold

I'm in the mood for Gold
After coming back from Greece and still sporting bronzed skin, I have a complete hankering for nothing but golden accessories. I am craving the midas touch in any way I can. I figure if I can’t still be in Greece, then at least I can dress like I am. Here is a little something I created on Polyvore of my favorite some of my favorite gold metallic pieces.

Themed Engagement Photos

Hmmm…I’m not quite sure how I feel about this new trend emerging in the Wedding world. (Which lets just admit it, the Wedding World is its own complete sub-culture)

A Hitchcock inspired love affair

I love checking out all different kinds of blogs and a lot of the posts I see will be of wedding ideas, reception parties and engagement photo shoots…(just because that’s where most people will decide to splurge and do a big event – not because I’m a creeper and looking at wedding blogs…). And aside from Anthropologie inspired weddings, there are actually a lot of great ideas out there and a lot of fun ways to celebrate your first  3-year long marriage. I’m not even going to indulge my negative side and comment on how much money people spend on their dresses, flowers and venues only to end up divorced in less than 10 years. I’m not going to do it. Instead I’m just going to say, that a themed engagement photo shoot is a super cute idea, however, maybe doesn’t quite convey the message that you’re 100% serious about getting married?!

I mean, I can’t even really say that. When else would the normal average person get to hire a professional photographer and have their own photo shoot specifically for them?! Not many…so I understand that you would want to take this opportunity to do something totally cool like the “North By Northwest” themed shoot. And I can even see that for a young couple, the “Alice in Wonderland” themed shoot is really adorable (even though I won’t really get into the Lolita-esque implications of romantically pairing Alice and the Mad Hatter together) And I can appreciate the dreamy and chimerical quality of these fantasies and fairy tales just like anyone else. I really love how the Wonderland shoot used details from the story in really subtle yet timeless and classic ways. I love the idea of making the Mad Hatter a romantic hero and placing the tea party in the middle of an imaginary utopian forest. So cute! So lovely! So sweet!

Alice In Wonderland

However, there is a flip side to all of  this… While it may be the trend right now to indulge in your very own Vogue inspired photo shoot to put your love on display for all the world to see (and mostly to rub their noses in) doesn’t it also seem a little kitschy? I mean, dressing up and looking glamorous for a photo shoot is never a bad thing. But I tend to think it crosses the line when you are dressing up to play a character and portray someone other than yourself – ESPECIALLY when the whole point of these pictures is to show how two people came together and feel in love with each other. Not how two people dressed up like Noah and Allie from “The Notebook” and took some pics together. (Plus, do you really want to compare your future to “The Notebook”?! That’s seriously playing with fire. Don’t tempt fate.) The whole purpose of engagement photos is to introduce yourselves as a future married couple. So why taint it with costumes and cheesy movie mirroring? This is supposed to be about you, not about your love for Audrey Hepburn and how much you want to be JUST LIKE HER! And I’m not afraid to say it. If you are really willing to dress up like characters from your favorite movie or book – is that really demonstrating how serious you are about marriage? Perhaps themed photo shoots are the just the first signs of how complacent people are getting about the institution of marriage. It used to be something that was taken very seriously. It used to be for LIFE! But now it seems like it has just become one big excuse to make everyone around you pander to your every whim while you dance under the spotlight to K-Ci & JoJo and watch as your best friends pretend to like their incarnadine mess of a bridesmaids dress. I bet you anything that all these bitches in these photo’s went on to be the biggest Bridezillas Ever! (I’m looking directly at you – Asian Audrey Hepburn…) Being a bride used to mean that you got to be princess for a day. But who wants to be something so cliché? Why not be Bella from Twilight?!


With that said…I leave you with one final thought. It needs no other comment than to just say…Willy Wonka Themed Engagement Photos.

Lenten Promises

I’ve decided that Lent is kind of like your second chance at a New Years resolution. First off, I’m not a big fan of NY’s resolutions. Of course, I appreciate the sentiment of wanting to “turn this year around” but on the whole, there is so much pressure and expectations put on NY’s resolutions that they inevitably fall by the wayside. I’ve decided that I’m going to use the Lenten kick-off to reinforce all those crippling and emaciated resolutions and give them a second chance at redemption. Sure, I’m not Catholic. HELL! I’m not even religious. But there is something very cyclical about preparing for the start of spring that anyone can appreciate…even ME!

Another thing I'm determined to do is start planning out all my meals

However while most devout Catholics gave up meat or donuts last week, I decided to take a different route. I decided to look deep within myself and use the next 40 days as a way to revitalize my mind, body and spirit in a way that will prepare me for the birth of spring. I’ve decided that the thing I’m going to be giving up for Lent is negative self-indulgence. I know that this concept might be a little bit vague, but for me I know exactly what this means. For the past couple of months now, I’ve felt like I’ve been doing everything in excess. I’ve been living large, partying large, spending large. Basically in all facets of my life I’ve been taking everything to the extreme. I’m so done with it. Now is a time to cut back and strip down everything to the bare essentials. The period of immoderation is over and I’m at a point where I can recognize just how much it is holding me back. I spend way too much money on things I don’t need, I come straight home and do nothing but watch TV, when I go out with Friends its always to the same places.  I’m soooo sick of all of it.

For the next 40 days I’ve decided to treat myself the way I would treat anyone else around me. With respect and delicacy. I’ve made a list of all the things I’d like to change in my every day life. All the things that if I could that I feel would make me a new person inside and out. I need to start preparing myself for spring. This has been quite the long and intense winter. I’m ready to step out of the darkness and into the light, but not like this. I need a makeover before I’m ready to greet Spring. And this is going to be a complete makeover. Like Cher from Clueless says, “I need to makeover my soul”.

My reading material for the next 40 days...

Some of the things I’ve decided that I’m going to tackle over these 40 days and 40 nights is revitalizing my mind, my spirit, my body and my heart. I’ve decided that I’m going to start reading more. And not just trite fiction, but something that will feed me intellectually. So far I’ve been reading a very interesting biography on Abraham Lincoln. I’ve only just started it – but I’m continually surprised at how little I knew of our most beloved (Sorry John Quincy) President. After I tackle the story of Abe’s life, I think my next book will be about a strong kick ass woman. Maybe Alice Paul or Juliette Gordon Low.

As for my spirit, I’ve decided to start journaling more. I’m not so much of a meditator, but the process of writing out my thoughts, feelings and observations not only helps clear my mind, but it also makes me look wicked smart in a coffee shop. DONE! As for my physical makeover, well…I could write bibles worth of things that I’d like to change. But for the most immediate I’ve decided that I’m going to start cooking more of my meals. I’ve gotten into a horrible habit of buying lunches and dinner way too much. I need to focus more on knowing what I’m eating, and taking the time to prepare all of my meals. Sure – its so easy to fall into the easy and familiar pattern of ordering out, but in the end – I’m poorer and less happy.

Thursday Nights Event!

One of the other things that I’ve decided to do is to stop the disgusting habit of going straight home and laying in front of the couch for the rest of the night. I hate that I do that, and more than anything – I HATE that I LOVE to do that! Lately I’ve been looking at blogs and websites and figuring out cool and fun things to do in this city after I get off work. Last Thursday my girlfriends and I went out to an art gallery after work and listened to poems and short stories about lust and love. It was amazing and a perfect way to spend a night after work. This week (because its St. Patties Day) we are making a special “Irish” themed night out.

The idea behind all of this is that at the end of these 40 days, I won’t be a complete slob. This is my 40 day sprint. To focus purely on myself for this Lenten season and work on all the things I can possibly do to make myself better. At the end of this, I’ll look back and reflect on what worked, what didn’t, what changes I can make, what I can start to fit into my normal schedule and what is just a complete waste of time (although I can’t really think that any of this wouldn’t make the cut). I’m really only one week into this “makeover”, but I have to say that so far I feel great! I really and truly do. I feel like for the first time in a super long time, I’m actually in control of my life and not just feeling like I’m trapped on a runaway train. I’m so excited to see what changes there will be at the end of this ride!


I feel that while reading this blog post you really should be playing the song, “Changes” by Bowie. It serves as a perfect soundtrack to my ramblings. In fact I’m listening to it on repeat as I write this post. (Or am I?) So as the title not so subtly implies, there have been many a changes in my life so far. I touched on the scale and extent of them in my last posting, however, it can’t be stressed enough that literally everything in my little world had been turned upside down and it has been quite an adjustment to regain my balance in my life. This is the first time in my life that I have a full time job that takes up most of my day (another change I’m not really used to). I mean in school I was a full time student, yes. However, a student schedule is not nearly structured as a working job. Morning class, break, afternoon class, nap, sleep through last class – that was the dream schedule. However, those days of yesteryear are unfortunately over. Aside from pulling all nighters – the collegiate schedule was pretty I remember thinking that my 9:45am classes were ridiculously early! HA! So please put on your patient and forgiving hats while I try and put together the pieces of my newly found life.

But in other good GREAT news, the apartment is coming together quite nicely. I always had a very specific look in mind when I would daydream about my city life. I wanted to have a super eclectic room filled with everything and anything that inspired me. It didn’t matter if patterns clashed or if colors weren’t complimentary, the point was that my style would be completely unique to ME. The common theme would emerge as distinct because it was everything I fell in love with and that inspired me.  But putting together this fabulously bohemian room is kind of hard when you are trying to do it on a budget. So who else do you turn to expect your mother! I definitely swooped on her entire bedroom collection and claimed everything she owned as my own. Thanks Mom!

I started with her vanity. I knew that this piece needed a MAYJAH overhaul. It had a good structure to it, but it was terribly antiquated and Frumpy McFrumperson. So we sanded that bitch down to her barest layer primed her, took off those tacky little decorative florets that decorated the front and finally gave her a super fun modern color. I have to be honest and say that all of this sounds like I was some sort of weekend warrior. In fact, I was absolutely terrified of doing any kind of sanding or painting or priming. I’m unfortunately not one of those crafty kind of people who has complete confidence in whatever kind of crafts that they do. I’m NO Martha Stewart. I’m the type of person who wants it to come out looking right, but I am so afraid to make any mistakes that I will usually end up not doing anything at all. I have a history of never progressing past the daydreaming stage. But as you can see in the before and after picture, the vanity at least came out looking different. If not 100% “perfect” it is still a huge improvement than what it was.

The other DIY project I overtook was the Dresser that also came from my mom’s collection. Allegedly she had had this dresser ever since the mid 70’s and it came her way through my uncle who had given it to her because he was getting a new dresser. And before him, he got it in an estate move. Soooooo needless to say, this thing has been around. Since I was going BOLD with the vanity, I decided to be a little more subtle with the dresser. I felt like the dresser needed a more feminine touch. So I went with a buttery ivory. However, for this one I decided I try out spray paint, and I’m still not completely sold on the medium. Maybe for smaller scale pieces I could see it working, but maybe not for an entire dresser. It kind of came out splotchy. But then someone pointed out that it looks vintage-y. So where does Vintage Shabby Chic inspiration end and “huge mistakes” begin? Again, I reiterate. I am NOT Martha Stewart. She would never admit defeat when it came to repainting old furniture.

But whatever, that part is done and over with! And over the past month or so I have discovered what a legitimately COOL city San Francisco is when it comes to fairs and markets. In August I went to the Renegade Craft Fair with my roommate Nikki and I have never wanted to be a millionaire so badly in my life. I just wanted to buy EVERYTHING in all the booths! It really was the best eye candy I’ve ever beheld. And I bought this pretty cool print! Then a few weeks later was the Alamo Square Park Flea Market. And while I felt that the market was a little more garage sale than flea market, they really did have some cool stuff. I bought some cool silver canisters and a print and my roommate bought an awesome purple wingback chair.

So all in all, I guess the best way to describe my disappearance from my blog would be to say that I’ve been in transition. Almost how a caterpillar retreats into the chrysalis and emerges a butterfly, so have I also retreated into the realm of the domestic interior and am at least trying to emerge as something a little better. Again, its all about Cha-Cha-Changes.

Way to Dodge a Bullet!! (this is my favorite post so far!)

So I have to be honest. The main reason why I started up this blog in the first place was because I truthfully thought it was going to be a place to vent and discuss all my frustrations over the past year. I graduated college in May of ’09 and I have been pretty much looking for work ever since, constantly checking the employment ads, sending out resumes, cover letters, going out on countless interviews and trying to be enthusiastic about the shitiest jobs ever! I even felt like I was starting to piss off my twitter followers because it seemed that EVERY week I was either going out on interviews or writing the most stupid and pointless cover letters and always voicing my anxieties via twitter. I soon realized that I was taking advantage of my open forum a little too much and hence I needed a space to redirect my issues. That was one of the major reasons why I decided to start this blog when I did – because I was fed up with keeping my frustrations under 140 characters!

Creative Environments/Minds Totally Rock My Boat!

But then again, I didn’t want to be a negative Nancy right out of the gate and start off (what I hope to be) a lifelong writing project with my bad attitudes about the recession/dire job market for recent grads/pitiful economy. I was planning on broaching this subject in my next post but just didn’t know how to fit in 13 months of frustration and disappointment in one single post. But the good news is that NOW I DON’T HAVE TO!!!!!!!!!! I am MORE than happy to report that as of yesterday I was offered a position at this Uhh-mazing company that I am tres excited to start working for. Because I was an Art History Major in college I knew that once I started my career I wanted to be doing something that dealt with creative and artistic minds and not the dry, boring aspects of business. I am so happy to announce that I will start my new job on Monday in the San Francisco Studio at Woods Bagot Architects!!! As soon as I found this position I knew that I would be perfect for it! It really is my dream job in so many ways and I can’t possibly begin to spell out how it was specifically created just for me!  But I am also just now realizing what a relief its going to be not constantly worrying about finding the right job and not constantly scouring the job boards like your life depends on it. Now I can focus at being the best that I can be at my job and best of all – with a stable paycheck I am able to move in with my best friends into our dream apartment in August! This truly is the best news that I ‘ve gotten in a while and it is such an intense relief, I’m practically floating on air!

And I’m also intensely relieved that I don’t have to write (what would have eventually turned into) a series of blog posts about my super sucky life as a recent post-grad trying to grapple with the realities of a declining job market in the midst of a crippling economic recession. NOT FUN! Sooooo…definitely dodged a major bullet on that one, and I dodged it in a SERIOUSLY smile-till-your-teeth-hurt, gloating-all-day-long, giggle-for-hours, good way!

Birthday Post

Part II of the birthday feast of cupcakes, champagne and Birthday cake!

ITS MY BIRTHDAY BEEZIES!!! Yes, that’s right! I’m officially a quarter of a century old! (and by extension I’ve moved up an age demographic according to the US Census) So I’m not going to do a super huge long post, but on this monumental (not really) day I do have some thoughts I’d like to share.

I think that often times by simply living your day-to-day life you can really get caught up in the monotonous, tired and banal aspects of existence. It isn’t until there is a change in that routine that you are given the opportunity to understand and appreciate the many blessings that lay at your feet. I feel so remarkably fortunate to have a wealth of privileges next to my name. Most importantly my friends and family. It is such a gift to know and realize that you are the luckiest person alive when you can say that your friends are your family and your family are your friends. Last night my clan of close friends and family rallied and came out to celebrate my ass getting older. I love them all so much and I am so grateful that they love me just as much too. Aside from birthday cards and flowers, I think the best birthday gift of all is lending someone your time and effort. Knowing that my friends put together a surprise champagne and cake dinner along with my Uhhhh-MAZING cousin Jenna calling on all her nightclub hook-ups to get us a free VIP table and bottle service makes me feel so humbled and appreciative that the people who love you go out of their way to make you feel special. Thank you all so much for such a wonderful night and I’m sending you all intense amounts of love back!

XOXOXO – The Birthday Girl

Where Did This Week Go??: An analysis of my own media-obsessed life.

So upon looking at my recent blog posts, I am shocked to see that its been over a week since my last post! Gah! Why?!?! And after reflecting on what I was doing that was so important as to neglect my bloggin duties – I realized that I might have a serious problem! I honestly didn’t do anything EXTREMELY crazy or time consuming…except that this week has been nirvana in terms of television programming. I was so consumed with all the season/series finales happening this week that I literally couldn’t be bothered to do anything remotely productive! Perhaps television is running my life. But then again, I mean, COME ON! Lets take a look back on what a whirlwind week this has been!

Vincent was always my favorite castaway anyways!

Sunday: After 6 mystifying and confusing years ‘Lost’ promised to answer all questions! Did it deliver? Well, while I appreciated the fact that the final scenes came full circle and recreated moments from the pilot – I still have a ton of questions. Like what happened to the plane with Kate, Claire and that eyeliner dude who doesn’t age (but now all of a sudden does). And if everyone was really dead while they were on the island, why could the Dharma Initiative interact with them and leave of free will?? How did Jacob’s brother (name?) turn into the smoke monster posthumously? Why did it make mechanical sounds? THERE ARE SO MANY QUESTIONS LEFT TO BE ANSWERED!!!

And then on top of that was the ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ season finale, with Bret Michaels. And as much as I am morally opposed to the theory and practice behind ‘Rock of Love’, his story did tend to pull on my heart-strings a lotta bit. Everyone loves an underdog (and a sickly underdog at that) and I’m no exception. Super glad he won and beat out Holly!

It should have been you Erin!!

Monday: Monday was Part I of the ‘Dancing with the Stars’ Finale and as much as I fight the urge to get as invested as I have in years past, I inevitably fall into the Paso-Doble-Death-Trap. Despite evidence to the contrary, I am not a middle-aged soccer mom sandwiched in the heartland, but I still get completely wrapped up in all the drama, sequins and skin that DWTS offers! At the beginning of the season I was hardcore rooting for Evan Lysacek, but after 14 weeks I realized what a boring bitch he is! So stiff and dry. I’m gonna start an internet campaign next year to get Johnny Weir Lindy-Hopping his luxurious locks and even fiercer fashion sense up on that dance floor and restore figure skating’s good name! So by Monday night my favors had waved from Evan to Erin Andrews. I know most people had drunk the Nicole/Pussy Cat Koolade, but I abstained. DON’T GET ME WRONG! I fully agree that she is in fact the best dancer they have ever had in 10 seasons – but she had a MAYJAH advantage! Where Erin Andrews and Chad Ochocinco are celebrities in their own right, they aren’t celebrities because of their dancing feats! Thats ALL Nicole has been doing for the past however-many years. So for those reasons I was really rooting for Erin. Plus I love to see the dreaded free-style round!

The final "Pokerface" duet blew my effing mind!!!

Tuesday: OH. MY. GOD. What a night for TV! Again, the first of a two-part season finale on ‘American Idol’. After hearing Crystal Bowersox sing, I was certain that she had it in the bag. She seemed so much more present and committed than Lee. But then again, dreads on a white person tends to scare off middle America.

‘Dancing with the Stars’ Finale Part II (the results show) – see above. That beezie Nicole did end up winning. Boo.

‘Glee’ – it was the Lady Gaga episode (enough said)

‘Parenthood’ season finale. I love this show for two reasons. Its set in Berkeley (LOVE!!) and there is a sporadic guest spot featuring my secret Hollywood boyfriend Jason Ritter (yum!) who stars as High School English Teacher (YUM²!)

“Biggest Loser’ Finale – I am totally in love with this show! Its my only reason for going to the gym…EVER! I figure if they can do it, so can I! And I’m soooo GLAD that Michael won and not Kolbi! Ew. McLovin this show!

Wednesday: ‘American Idol’ Season finale part II (results show) – see above. An amazing show filled with TONS of superstar performances, and in the end I’m SHOCKED that Lee won and not Bowersox. But whatever!

Don't worry dude. I was just as surprised as you

Thursday: This used to be my night for ‘The Office’, ‘Community’, ’30 Rock’ and ‘Vampire Diaries’ – but now that they all ended last week, Thursday was the saddest day this week.

Friday: (today) I went to go see ‘Sex and the City 2’ and was supremely disappointed! The fashion and overall scenery was amazing to look at and was complete eye candy, but the story line itself was…TOTAL cheesecake bullshit! Really pretty terrible and it felt super Mickey-Mouse. Like, they just wanted to make another movie so they didn’t care all that much about the overall script, just more that there was another movie made. Boo!

So now that I have clearly laid out and practically made an in-depth blue-print to where you can find my ass most nights of the week I am starting to recognize a pattern. My life may or may not be completely ruled by the TV guide line-up. This blog post is more of an independent intervention of sorts. As much as I hate series finales and summer programming pretty much sucks (except for ‘True Blood’ – pun intended?) maybe its a good thing that NBC has cut off my main supply of crack (aka ‘The Office’) and maybe now I can do that thing that bougie white people love to do ( I think it’s called “getting fresh air”. Am I pronouncing that correctly??) WOO HOO! Addiction officially over!!!! …Until the Fall…or Mad Men starts up again in July…DAMN IT! Is there a Betty Ford-type clinic for TV programming addicts? Is it called the BETTY WHITE CLINIC!?!?!?! Ok. I need to stop now. I’m starting to get embarrassed for myself.

Bieber Fever: aka the Apocalypse has officially started

A Trucker Hat? Really!?! Who are you? Ashton Kutcher in 2003?

So as a grown-ass woman (practically) I suppose I missed the grass roots campaigning that made Justin Bieber: the teen-phenom, all that he is. Because I choose to read ACTUAL magazines instead of Tiger Beat and watch REAL TV shows instead of the trite twaddle that Disney airs on a loop (don’t worry – I wasn’t talking about you Zenon- Girl of the 21st Century) I fully admit that I was unawares of “Bieber Fever” until it was knocking on my People Magazine doorstep! My first introduction to the little tyke (because I officially refuse to believe that he is older than 11) was watching MTV’s Diary: Justin Bieber. I watched with an equally unsuspecting friend and while watching, a few things crossed my completely dumbfounded mind.

  1. Who IS this kid?!?!
  2. How does he have crazy crying 13 year-old fans eagerly trading in their backdoor cherries just to get a closer glimpse of his Mop Head and yet I still don’t know how to correctly pronounce his last name?
  4. Why does he treat his mother so badly?
  5. …that’s his singing voice?…
  6. and the attraction is? Infinity amount of question marks?
  7. Is it a coincidence that his last name reminds me of the word “baby”?

But Alas. Its seems that I am officially in the minority. Even Oprah Winfrey has given her Harpo-style blessing upon the “16 year-old” (I practically got whip lash on that one, I was rolling my eyes so hard) boy wonder and dedicated practically a whole OPRAH show (priceless television liquid gold) to his overnight “success” and his equally promising future (Asst. Manager at the Studio City Best Buy).

And FINE! I’ll admit it! Knowing that most people break out their interview arsenals for the big O, I decided to watch so that I might get a better understanding of why the Bieb-onic Plague has taken down more victims than the H1N1 virus. But I have to admit – after watching the show I was bitterly disappointed. Not only did this kid barely say anything of substance except for the occasional “Ummmm…yeah. The fans are crazy!“, it seemed that even Oprah herself was catching on quickly that the Biebs is mildly retarded (or just a self-indulgent douche. Both?)

But playing devil’s advocate, the Oprah producers probably also should never have followed the privileged Canadian with the biggest sob story Philippino pauper turned pop star, Charice. Because not only can this Beezie sing, and sing BIG – but she deserves all the success in the world. So by double booking these two, even someone like Taylor Swift and her army of country tweens would have been cursed as a spoiled white girl in comparison to this little singing magnate. Hmmmm…Probably didn’t cast the Biebs in the best light in hindsight… Oprah Producers!

SO all I have to say is, enjoy this moment now Bieber! Cause next year when you hit “puberty” (or in 5 years because you’re really 11!) and your voice changes, you shall fall into the elephants graveyard of other One Hit wonders who couldn’t survive “the change” (I’m looking at you Criss Cross and Hanson!) But in the meantime, while Bieber Fever rages on – those of us who have yet to become infected must hold the vigil and stay strong. Do not be tempted to swoon over his finely coiffed hair or his gay-face million dollar smile. Do not become distracted by his pint size and his adorable/douchy sense of hipster-rock style. If you do, the tweens/satan have won and the end of the world truly is Nigh!